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There has been only one Christian. They caught and curcified him-early.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Caught
Early
Religious
Christian

More quotes by Mark Twain

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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Mark Twain
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If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself, the first day at sea, when nearly all his comrades are seasick.
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I am dead to adverbs they cannot excite me. To misplace an adverb is a thing which I am able to do with frozen indifference it can never give me a pang. There are subtleties which I cannot master at all - they confuse me, they mean absolutely nothing to me - and this adverb plague is one of them.
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Never miss an opportunity to shut up.
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The highest pleasure to be got out of freedom, and having nothing to do, is labor.
Mark Twain
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You may have noticed that the less I know about a subject the more confidence I have, and the more new light I throw on it.
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But it was ever thus, all through my life: whenever I have diverged from custom and principle and uttered a truth, the rule has been that the hearer hadn't strength of mind enough to believe it.
Mark Twain
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Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
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I have been born more times than anybody except Krishna.
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Between us, we cover all knowledge he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by.
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Once you've put one of his [Henry James] books down, you simply can't pick it up again.
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The low level which commercial morality has reached in America is deplorable. We have humble God fearing Christian men among us who will stoop to do things for a million dollars that they ought not to be willing to do for less than 2 millions.
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He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.
Mark Twain
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
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My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian.
Mark Twain
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There is not an acre of ground on the globe that is in possession of its rightful owner, or that has not been taken away from owner after owner, cycle afer cycle, by force and bloodshed.
Mark Twain
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Behold, the fool saith, Put not all thine eggs in the one basket - which is but a matter of saying, Scatter your money and your attention but the wise man saith, Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET. - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
Mark Twain
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When the world is made to be idiot-proof, the world will become overpopulated with idiots.
Mark Twain
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Do something everyday that you don't want to do.
Mark Twain