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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Hell
Company
Religious
Heaven
Advantages
Place
Climate
Mind
Advantage
Make
Couldn
Men
Dying

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from the beginning of my sojourn in this world there was a persistent vacancy in me where the industry ought to be. (Ought to was is better, perhaps, though the most of the authorities differ as to this.
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I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.
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A man who carries a cat by the tail is getting experience that will always be helpful. He isn't likely to grow dim or doubtful. Chances are, he isn't likely to carry the cat that way again, either. But if he wants to, I say let him!
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Data is like garbage. You'd better know what you are going to do with it before you collect it.
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The law of work seems unfair, but nothing can change it the more enjoyment you get out of your work, the more money you will make.
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The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit upon a hot stove lid again. Nor upon a cold stove lid.
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To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.
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God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage
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Therein lies the defect of revenge: it's all in the anticipation the thing itself is a pain, not a pleasure at least the pain is the biggest end of it.
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Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
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Experience teaches us only one thing at a time - and hardly that, in my case.
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Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail the more you pay, the more is exacted.
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A jay hasnt got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will deceive, a jay will betray and four times out of five, a jay will go back on his solemnest promise.
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
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