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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Heaven
Advantages
Place
Climate
Mind
Advantage
Make
Couldn
Men
Dying
Hell
Company
Religious

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There is no salvation for us but to adopt Civilization and lift ourselves down to its level.
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If a spectacle is going to be particularly imposing I prefer to see it through somebody else's eyes, because that man will always exaggerate. Then I can exaggerate his exaggeration, and my account of the thing will be the most impressive.
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I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.
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As a rule we develop a borrowed European idea forward, and ... Europe develops a borrowed American idea backwards.
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God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.
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I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the # telephone .
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A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.
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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart.
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A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt
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How stunning are the changes which age makes in a man while he sleeps!
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I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.
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What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.
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Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail the more you pay, the more is exacted.
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When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss.
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No one is willing to acknowledge a fault in himself when a more agreeable motive can be found for the estrangement of his acquaintances.
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