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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Surely
Atheist
Atheism
Ought
Religious
Religion
Damned
Firsts
Invented
First
Ass
More quotes by Mark Twain
None but the dead have free speech.
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That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.
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As for the dinosaur - But Noah's conscience was easy it was not named in his cargo list and he and the boys were not aware that there was such a creature. He said he could not blame himself for not knowing about the dinosaur, because it was an American animal and America had not then been discovered.
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A dozen direct censures are easier to bear than one morganatic compliment.
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I should be sorry to think it was the publishers themselves they got up this entire little flutter to enable them to unload a book that was taking too much room in their cellars, but you can never tell what a publisher will do. I have been one myself.
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For we were little Christian children and early learned the value of forbidden fruit.
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Few of us stand prosperity another man's I mean.
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There's something in it when a body like the widow or the parson prays, but it don't work for me, and I reckon it don't work for only just the right kind.
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We have the best government that money can buy.
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
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The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work.
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I am able to say that while I am not ruggedly well, I am not ill enough to excite an undertaker.
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Yes, always avoid violence. In this age of charity and kindliness, the time has gone by for such things. Leave dynamite to the low and unrefined.
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If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be — a Christian.
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I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.
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Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it.
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The thing for us to do is just to do our duty, and not worry about whether anybody sees us do it or not.
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One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one.
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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.
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A newspaper is not just for reporting the news as it is, but to make people mad enough to do something about it.
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