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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Atheism
Ought
Religious
Religion
Damned
Firsts
Invented
First
Ass
Surely
Atheist
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Between us, we cover all knowledge he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.
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Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
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A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.
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The very marks on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy.
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Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.
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Music is a good thing and after all that soul-butter and hogwash, I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully.
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Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie - I found that out.
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I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.
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Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.
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A jay hasnt got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will deceive, a jay will betray and four times out of five, a jay will go back on his solemnest promise.
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A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
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