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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Purpose
Funny
Comes
Didn
Anything
Close
Without
Create
Good
Lord
Religious

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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
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When your opinions start to coincide with those of the majority, it is time to reconsider your opinions.
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I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.
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Man seems to be a rickety poor sort of thing, any way you take him a kind of British Museum of infirmities and inferiorities. He is always undergoing repairs. A machine that was as unreliable as he is would have no market.
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Conscience, man's moral medicine chest.
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Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse.
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To be a patriot, one had to say, and keep on saying, Our Country, right or wrong, and urge on the little war. Have you not perceived that that phrase is an insult to the nation?
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Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.
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There has never been a Protestant boy nor a Protestant girl whose mind the Bible has not soiled.
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Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide against your conviction is to be an unqualified and excusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let men label you as they may.
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For we were little Christian children and early learned the value of forbidden fruit.
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I wrote 'Tom Sawyer' and 'Huck Finn' for adults exclusively, and it always distressed me when I find that boys and girls have been allowed access to them. The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean.
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By and by when each nation has 20,000 battleships and 5,000,000 soldiers we shall all be safe and the wisdom of statesmanship will stand confirmed.
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Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness.
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If true, rarely beautiful. If beautiful, rarely true.
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It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old.
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I always did hate for anyone to know what my plans or hopes or prospects were—for, if I kept people in ignorance in these matters, no one could be disappointed but myself, if they were not realized.
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If smoking cigars is not permitted in heaven, I won''t go.
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Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.
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Learn from the mistakes of others - you won't live long enough to make them all yourself. He's opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer him the position.
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