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He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Vacancy
Iceberg
Trinity
Solemn
Sarcastic
Looked
Waiting
Like
Sanctimonious

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A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.
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The human race is a race of cowards and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
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I don't mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don't tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage.
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The best of us would rather be popular than right.
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Do you reckon Tom Sawyer was satisfied after all them adventures?
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If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.
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Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
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The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate.
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Do something everyday that you don't want to do this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
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I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome variety is pleasing.
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All good things arrive unto them that wait - and don't die in the meantime.
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I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.
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If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.
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When the world is made to be idiot-proof, the world will become overpopulated with idiots.
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Man is the only animal that is cruel. It kills just for the sake of it.
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In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.
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All gentle cant and philosophizing to the contrary notwithstanding, no people in this world ever did achieve their freedom by goody-goody talk and moral suasion: it being immutable law that all revolutions that will succeed, must begin in blood.
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Pilgrim's Progress , about a man that left his family, it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough.
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Don't look at the world with your hands in your pockets. To write about it you have to reach out and touch it.
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