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He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Waiting
Like
Sanctimonious
Vacancy
Iceberg
Trinity
Solemn
Sarcastic
Looked

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The master minds of all nations, in all ages, have sprung in affluent multitude from the mass of the nations, and from the mass of the nation only-not from its privileged classes.
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I should be sorry to think it was the publishers themselves they got up this entire little flutter to enable them to unload a book that was taking too much room in their cellars, but you can never tell what a publisher will do. I have been one myself.
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I have at last, after several months' experience, made up my mind that [New York] is a splendid desert--a domed and steepled solitude, where the stranger is lonely in the midst of a million of his race.
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Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings.
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I have damaged my intellect trying to imagine why a man should want to invent a repeating clock, and how another man could be found to lust after it and buy it. The man who can guess these riddles is far on the way to guess why the human race was invented - which is another riddle which tires me.
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Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it.
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But we are all insane, anyway ... The suicides seem to be the only sane people.
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Whiskey is for drinking water is for fighting over.
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When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.
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I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.
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Jane Austen's books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
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Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful.
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If ever you've been down in the dumps, hear these iconic authors share with you more than their writing wisdom.
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And how moving is the eloquence of the untaught when it is the heart that is speaking!
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There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
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There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.
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Every citizen of the republic ought to consider himself an unofficial policeman, and keep unsalaried watch and ward over the laws and their execution.
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Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.
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If we learned to walk and talk the way we learn to read and write, everyone would limp and stutter.
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Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
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