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In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Time
Journalist
World
Journalism
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Place
Historians
Happens
Journalists
Nothing
Sarcastic
Right
Historian
Real
Correct

More quotes by Mark Twain

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I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.
Mark Twain
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Man is without doubt the most interesting fool there is. He concedes that God made the angels immune from pain and death, and that he could have been similarly kind to man, but denies that he was under any moral obligation to do so.
Mark Twain
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A lie can make it half way around the world before the truth has time to put its boots on.
Mark Twain
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Of the 417 commandments, only a single one of the 417 has found ministerial obedience multiply and replenish the earth. To it sinner & saint, scholar & ignoramus, Christian & savage are alike loyal.
Mark Twain
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Switzerland is simply a large, lumpy, solid rock with a thin skin of grass stretched over it.
Mark Twain
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Mark Twain
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He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three I attended their funerals.
Mark Twain
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It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing - I used to be a good boy.
Mark Twain
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There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you know ain't so'.
Mark Twain
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
Mark Twain
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When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.
Mark Twain
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It is my custom to keep on talking until I get the audience cowed.
Mark Twain
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Prediction is difficult- particularly when it involves the future.
Mark Twain
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You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can't get them across, your ideas won't get you anywhere. Lee Iacocca Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Mark Twain
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The community is eminently Portuguese - that is to say, it is slow, poor, shiftless, sleepy, and lazy.
Mark Twain
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There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.
Mark Twain
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No one can tell me what is a good cigar--for me. I am the only judge... There are no standards--no real standards. Each man's preference is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept, the only one which can command him.
Mark Twain
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In all the ages, three-fourths of the support of the great charities has been conscience money.
Mark Twain
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When an honest writer discovers an imposition it is his simple duty to strip it bare and hurl it down from its place of honor, no matter who suffers by it any other course would render him unworthy of the public confidence.
Mark Twain
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Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.
Mark Twain