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Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Merely
Advice
Keep
Else
Housework
Place
Custom
Everything
Sarcastic
Thing
Customs
Somewhere
More quotes by Mark Twain
There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous.
Mark Twain
I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.
Mark Twain
A half-educated physician is not valuable. He thinks he can cure everything.
Mark Twain
I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.
Mark Twain
Words are only painted fire, a look is the fire itself. She gave that look, and carried it away to the treasury of heaven, where all things that are divine belong.
Mark Twain
Age enlarges and enriches the powers of some musical instruments - notably those of the violin - but it seems to set a piano's teeth on edge.
Mark Twain
If you have to swallow a frog, don't stare at it too long.
Mark Twain
We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking.
Mark Twain
If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away.
Mark Twain
The Koran does not permit Mohammedans to drink. Their natural instincts do not permit them to be moral. They say the Sultan has eight hundred wives. This almost amounts to bigamy.
Mark Twain
In God We Trust. It is the choicest compliment that has ever been paid us, and the most gratifying to our feelings. It is simple, direct, gracefully phrased it always sounds well - In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.
Mark Twain
Authorship is not a trade, it is an inspiration authorship does not keep an office, its habitation is all out under the sky, and everywhere the winds are blowing and the sun is shining and the creatures of God are free.
Mark Twain
Let your joy be unconfined!
Mark Twain
I don't speak German well but several experts have assured me that I write it like an angel. Maybe so, maybe so- I don't know. I've not yet made any acquaintances among the angels. That comes later, whenever it please the Deity. I'm not in any hurry.
Mark Twain
I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.
Mark Twain
Every civilization carries the seeds of its own destruction, and the same cycle shows in them all. The Republic is born, flourishes, decays into plutocracy, and is captured by the shoemaker whom the mercenaries and millionaires make into a king. The people invent their oppressors, and the oppressors serve the function for which they are invented.
Mark Twain
Which is him? The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday.
Mark Twain
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
Mark Twain
The fear of lightning is one of the most distressing infirmities a human being can be afflicted with. It is mostly confined to women, but now and then you find it in a little dog, and sometimes a man.
Mark Twain
There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.
Mark Twain
