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Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Else
Housework
Place
Custom
Everything
Sarcastic
Thing
Customs
Somewhere
Merely
Advice
Keep
More quotes by Mark Twain
I have learned that human existence is essentially tragic. It is only the love of God, disclosed and enacted in Christ, that redeems the human tragedy and makes it tolerable. No, more than tolerable. Wonderful.
Mark Twain
Where a blood relation sobs, an intimate friend should choke up, a distant acquaintance should sigh, a stranger should merely fumble sympathetically with his handkerchief.
Mark Twain
All men are ignorant, just on different subjects.
Mark Twain
Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.
Mark Twain
A woman springs a sudden reproach upon you which provokes a hot retort, and then she will presently ask you to apologize.
Mark Twain
All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.
Mark Twain
The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.
Mark Twain
It's my opinion that every one I know has morals, though I wouldn't like to ask. I know I have. But I'd rather teach them than practice them any day. Give them to others-that's my motto.
Mark Twain
When one's character begins to fall under suspicion and disfavor, how swift, then, is the work of disintegration and destruction.
Mark Twain
Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.
Mark Twain
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
Mark Twain
One may make their house a palace of sham, or they can make it a home, a refuge.
Mark Twain
When people do not respect us we are sharply offended yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.
Mark Twain
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Mark Twain
A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.
Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
Mark Twain
While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.
Mark Twain
Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent then he would have eaten the serpent.
Mark Twain
God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage
Mark Twain
It's an epitome of life. The first half of it consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
Mark Twain
