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Modesty antedates clothes and will be resumed when clothes are no more.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Resumed
Modesty
Clothes
Fashion

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We Americans worship the almighty dollar! Well, it is a worthier god than Heredity Privilege.
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If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, As unhappy as God.
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I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: Now here are these two unaccountable freaks they came in together, they must go out together.
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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
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Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.
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Unused talents gives you no advantage over someone who has no talent at all.
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More than once I had seen a noble who had gotten his enemy at a disadvantage stop to pray before cutting his throat.
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The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer.
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I have been cautioned to talk but be careful not to say anything. I do not consider this a difficult task.
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I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.
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Strip the human race, absolutely naked, and it would be a real democracy. But the introduction of even a rag of tiger skin, or a cowtail, could make a badge of distinction and be the beginning of a monarchy.
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I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
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Let your joy be unconfined!
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I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.
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I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
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It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.
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When angry, count to four when very angry, swear.
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I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter.
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The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible.
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She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot
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