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They do say that when a man starts down hill everybody is ready to help him with a kick, and I suppose it is so.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Starts
Suppose
Luck
Ready
Everybody
Hill
Help
Kick
Helping
Kicks
Men
Hills

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If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
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Behold, the fool saith, Put not all thine eggs in the one basket - which is but a matter of saying, Scatter your money and your attention but the wise man saith, Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET. - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
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France has usually been governed by prostitutes
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It may have happened, it may not have happened but it could have happened.
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for business reasons, I must preserve the outward signs of sanity.
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Humor is like a frog if you dissect it, it dies.
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At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on their clothes to keep them from being stolen.
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If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
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I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
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Your road is everything that a road ought to be...and yet you will not stay in it half a mile, for the reason that little, seductive, mysterious roads are always branching out from it on either hand, and as these curve sharply also and hide what is beyond, you cannot resist the temptation to desert your own chosen path and explore them.
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The equator was wisely put where it is, because if it had been run through Europe all the kings would have tried to grab it.
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The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.
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....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.
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Well, my book is written-let it go. But if it were only to write over again there wouldn't be so many things left out. They burn in me and they keep multiplying but now they can't ever be said. And besides, they would require a library-and a pen warmed up in hell.
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I always did hate for anyone to know what my plans or hopes or prospects were—for, if I kept people in ignorance in these matters, no one could be disappointed but myself, if they were not realized.
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When the world is made to be idiot-proof, the world will become overpopulated with idiots.
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Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
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Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
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