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Between us, we cover all knowledge he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Cover
Rest
Known
Knowledge

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The Indian may seem poor to we rich Westerners but in matters of the spirit it is we who are the paupers and they who are millionaires.
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Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse.
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There was a great difference in boats, of course. For a long time I was on a boat that was so slow we used to forget what year it was we left port in.
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The xmas holidays have this high value: that they remind Forgetters of the Forgotten, & repair damaged relationships.
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An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency.
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When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
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Our lives, our liberty, and our property are never in greater danger than when Congress is in session.
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No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.
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It is better to give than receive- especially advice.
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What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
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The convention missionaries call modesty has no standard, and cannot have one, because it is opposed to nature and reason and is therefore an artificiality and subject to anybody's whim - anybody's diseased caprice.
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To me [Edgar Allen Poe's] prose is unreadable—like Jane Austin's [sic]. No there is a difference. I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death.
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It isn't safe to sit in judgment upon another person's illusion when you are not on the inside. While you are thinking it is a dream, he may be knowing it is a planet.
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The test of any good fiction is that you should care something for the characters the good to succeed, the bad to fail. The trouble with most fiction is that you want them all to land in hell, together, as quickly as possible.
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I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
Mark Twain
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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
Mark Twain
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I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
Mark Twain
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[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.
Mark Twain
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I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.
Mark Twain
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Synergy - the bonus that is achieved when things work together harmoniously.
Mark Twain