Quote

Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Inspirational
Shall
Thirty
Reformation
Today
Days
Yesterday
Shortcomings
Ever
Everybody
Ancient
Pious
Swore
Gone
Cutting
Oath
Exemplary
Community
Took
Winds
Considerably
Lasts
Marriage
Holiday
Smoked
Last
Drink
Cast
Shorter
Funny
Wind
Casts
Cigar

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None but an ass pays a compliment and asks a favour at the same time. There are many asses.
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Inherited ideas are a curious thing, and interesting to observe and examine.
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Modesty antedates clothes and will be resumed when clothes are no more.
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The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.
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God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were.
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If everyone was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.
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... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.
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The community is eminently Portuguese - that is to say, it is slow, poor, shiftless, sleepy, and lazy.
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The law of work seems unfair, but nothing can change it the more enjoyment you get out of your work, the more money you will make.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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It is a pity we can't escape from life when we are young.
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God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention.
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We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy that watches over their dignity that focuses their vision true--humor.
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One is apt to overestimate beauty when it is rare
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Experience of life (not of books) is the only capital usable in such a book as you have attempted one can make no judicious use of this capital while it is new.
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Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone-if still alive.
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He wa'n't no common dog, he wa'n't no mongrel he was a composite. A composite dog is a dog that is made up of all the valuable qualities that's in the dog breed-kind of a syndicate and a mongrel is made up of all riffraff that's left over.
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I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
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They do say that when a man starts down hill everybody is ready to help him with a kick, and I suppose it is so.
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The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so he sent for a clergyman and asked him, Where is the best place to go to? He was undecided about it. So the minister told him that each place had its advantages--heaven for climate, and hell for society.
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