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The average American's simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
American
Form
Commonest
Simplest
Breakfast
Consists
Coffee
Average

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The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.
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Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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What do you think of the human mind? I mean, in case you think there is a human mind.
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Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
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Travel has no longer any charm for me. I have seen all the foreign countries I want to except heaven & hell & I have only a vague curiosity about one of those.
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I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter.
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One mustn't criticize other people on grounds where he can't stand perpendicular himself
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[I] shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Indeed, upon second thought, I will not use it then, for it is unchristian, inelegant, and degrading--though to speak truly I do not see how house rent and taxes are going to be discussed worth a cent without it.
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Such is luck! And such the treatment which honest, good perservance gets so often at the hands of unfair and malicious Nature!
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The exquisitely bad is as satisfying to the soul as the exquisitely good. Only the mediocre is unendurable.
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In all the ages, three-fourths of the support of the great charities has been conscience money.
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Old habits cannot be thrown out the upstairs window. They have to be coaxed downstairs one step at a time.
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If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
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Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.
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Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by.
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There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.
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Low comedies are written for the drawing-room, the kitchen and the stable, and if you cut out the kitchen and the stable the drawing-room can't support the play by itself.
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