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The average American's simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Consists
Coffee
Average
American
Form
Commonest
Simplest
Breakfast

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English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put 'laughter' in the wrong place.
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Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.
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Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known fifty years ago?-they were not operations, they were executions.
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I knew a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and learned forty percent more about cats than the man who didn't.
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when we badly want a thing, we go to hunting for good and righteous reasons for it we give it that fine name to comfort our consciences, whereas we privately know we are only hunting for plausible ones.
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The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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It's so damned humiliating.
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At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on their clothes to keep them from being stolen.
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We called him Barney for short. We couldn't use his real name, there wasn't time.
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A railroad is like a lie you have to keep building it to make it stand.
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Great enterprises usually promise vastly more than they perform.
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There will never be a perfect time to quit smoking. A time when you don't have any distractions or stress... If you had started today one year ago, this would not even be an issue for you today! Don't waste another year!
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A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
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Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.
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It is a pity we can't escape from life when we are young.
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When the world is made to be idiot-proof, the world will become overpopulated with idiots.
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I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.
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I begin to see that a man's got to be in his own heaven to be happy.
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It must be well-nigh a maximum of sense to behave so that one escapes being hanged.
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