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Always obey your parents - when they are present.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Present
Parent
Children
Always
Parenting
Obey
Humorous
Parents
More quotes by Mark Twain
What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth. No smallest atom of our moral, mental, or physical structure can stand still a year. It grows - it must grow nothing can prevent it.
Mark Twain
What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Mark Twain
When angry, count to four when very angry, swear.
Mark Twain
Do you reckon Tom Sawyer was satisfied after all them adventures?
Mark Twain
The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.
Mark Twain
Everybody lies...every day, every hour, awake, asleep, in his dreams, in his joy, in his mourning. If he keeps his tongue still his hands, his feet, his eyes, his attitude will convey deception.
Mark Twain
The human race consists of the damned and the ought-to-be damned.
Mark Twain
I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't no use in wasting it on them.
Mark Twain
Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.
Mark Twain
I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
Mark Twain
It is a shameful thing to insult a child.
Mark Twain
I have no race prejudices, and I think I have no color prejudices or caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. Indeed I know it. I can stand any society. All that I care to know is that a man is a human being-that is enough for me he can't be any worse.
Mark Twain
God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention.
Mark Twain
Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.
Mark Twain
I had longed to be a butterfly, and I was one at last. I attended private parties in sumptuous evening dress, simpered and aired my graces like a born beau, and polkaed and schoisched with a step peculiar to myself - and the kangaroo.
Mark Twain
You may say organize, organize, organize but there may be so much organization that it will interfere with the work to be done.
Mark Twain
Make your vacation your vocation.
Mark Twain
Music is a good thing and after all that soul-butter and hogwash, I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully.
Mark Twain
I was educated, I was trained, I was a Presbyterian and I knew how these things are done. I knew that in Biblical times if a man committed a sin the extermination of the whole surrounding nation-cattle and all-was likely to happen. I knew that Providence was not particular about the rest, so that He got somebody connected with the one He was after.
Mark Twain
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
Mark Twain
