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Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Truth
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Newspapers
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More quotes by Mark Twain
One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere.
Mark Twain
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
Mark Twain
There is only one expert who is qualified to examine the souls and the life of a people and make a valuable report - the native novelist. ... And when a thousand able novels have been written, there you have the soul of the people and not anywhere else can these be had.
Mark Twain
Knowledge becomes wisdom only after it has been put to good use.
Mark Twain
Next you'd see a raft sliding by, away off yonder, and maybe a galoot on it chopping. . . you'd see the ax flash and come down-you don't hear nothing you see the ax go up again, and by the time it's above the man's head then you hear the k'chunk!-it had took all that time to come over the water.
Mark Twain
It's not the parts of the Bible I don't know that worries me...it's the parts that I do.
Mark Twain
I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.
Mark Twain
From the dome of St. Peter's one can see every notable object in Rome... He can see a panorama that is varied, extensive, beautiful to the eye, and more illustrious in history than any other in Europe.
Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
Mark Twain
I don't mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don't tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage.
Mark Twain
If you want to change the future, you must change what you're doing in the present.
Mark Twain
In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.
Mark Twain
It is easier to stay out than get out.
Mark Twain
Is not this insanity plea becoming rather common? Is it not so common that the reader confidently expects to see it offered in every criminal case that comes before the courts?... Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity.
Mark Twain
Every citizen of the republic ought to consider himself an unofficial policeman, and keep unsalaried watch and ward over the laws and their execution.
Mark Twain
To be a patriot, one had to say, and keep on saying, Our Country, right or wrong, and urge on the little war. Have you not perceived that that phrase is an insult to the nation?
Mark Twain
Which is him? The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday.
Mark Twain
Do right and you will be conspicuous.
Mark Twain
If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy.
Mark Twain
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Mark Twain
