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A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Humor
Sense
Thing
Admit

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Between believing a thing and thinking you KNOW is only a small step and quickly taken.
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The pause - that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no combination of words, howsoever felicitous, could accomplish it.
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The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.
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All large political doctrines are rich in difficult problems - problems that are quite above the average citizen's reach. And that is not strange, since they are also above the reach of the ablest minds in the country after all the fuss and all the talk, not one of those doctrines has been conclusively proven to be the right one and the best.
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The more you join with people in their joys and their sorrows, the more nearer and dearer they come to be to you.
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The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.
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There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
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Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
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Marriage -- yes, it is the supreme felicity of life. I concede it. And it is also the supreme tragedy of life. The deeper the love the surer the tragedy. And the more disconsolating when it comes.
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Never waste a lie you never know when you may need it.
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France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France.
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In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.
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For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe & steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night & slaverly which would last till Christ comes again - which I hope he will not do he made trouble enough before.
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There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
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Shut the door not that it lets in the cold but that it lets out the coziness.
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Only he who has seen better days and lives to see better days again knows their full value.
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My books are like water those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
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An American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans.
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A lie can make it half way around the world before the truth has time to put its boots on.
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A mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.
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