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A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Humor
Sense
Thing
Admit

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I have been born more times than anybody except Krishna.
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And so when I couldn't stand it no longer, I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied.
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Always tell the truth then you don't have to remember anything
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A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditch digging.
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If you would beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time.
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The newspaper that obstructs the law on a trivial pretext, for money's sake, is a dangerous enemy to the public weal. That awful power, the public opinion of a nation, is created in America by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking and fetched up in journalism on their way to the poorhouse.
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There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you know ain't so'.
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Wherefore being all of one mind, we do highly resolve that government of the grafted by the grafter for the grafter shall not perish from the earth.
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If you need help identifying actionable analytics check out this post.
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When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.
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The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer.
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When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
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The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
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In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.
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It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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In my age, as in my youth, night brings me many a deep remorse. I realize that from the cradle up I have been like the rest of the race - never quite sane in the night.
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But the elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time.
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I have thought many times since that if poets when they get discouraged would blow their brains out, they could write very much better when they got well.
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He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
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To eat is human, to digest, divine
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