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I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Problem
Departure
Solved
Notice
Atheist
Help
Helping
Cannot

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A monarch, when good, is entitled to the consideration which we accord to a pirate who keeps Sunday School between crimes when bad, he is entitled to none at all.
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Better a broken promise than none at all.
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It is the will of God that we must have critics, and missionaries, and Congressmen, and humorists, and we must bear the burden. Meantime, I seem to have been drifting into criticism myself. But that is nothing. At the worst, criticism is nothing more than a crime, and I am not unused to that.
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I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.
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Do good when you can, and charge when you think they will stand it.
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I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.
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I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.
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If I had more time, I would have written less.
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One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one.
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The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one's clothes.
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Men are easily dealt with--but when you get the women started, you are in for it, you know.
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Cherimoya, the most delicious fruit known to men.
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The low level which commercial morality has reached in America is deplorable. We have humble God fearing Christian men among us who will stoop to do things for a million dollars that they ought not to be willing to do for less than 2 millions.
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Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings.
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Don't look at the world with your hands in your pockets. To write about it you have to reach out and touch it.
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Duties are not performed for duty's sake, but because their neglect would make the man uncomfortable. A man performs but one duty - the duty of contenting his spirit, the duty of making himself agreeable to himself.
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A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.
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The humorous story is told gravely the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.
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Creed and opinion change with time, and their symbols perish but Literature and its temples are sacred to all creeds and inviolate.
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Go to bed early, get up early-this is wise.
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