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I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Solved
Notice
Atheist
Help
Helping
Cannot
Problem
Departure

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We Americans are the most lavish and showiest and most luxury loving people on the earth and at our masthead we fly one true and honest symbol, the gaudiest flag the world has ever seen.
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Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime.
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I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
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Astonishing things can be done with the human memory if you will devote it faithfully to one particular line of business.
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Pilgrim's Progress , about a man that left his family, it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough.
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Where a blood relation sobs, an intimate friend should choke up, a distant acquaintance should sigh, a stranger should merely fumble sympathetically with his handkerchief.
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How superbly brave is the Englishman in the presence of the awfulest forms of danger and death and how abject in the presence of any and all forms of hereditary rank.
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Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
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No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot
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The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all.
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I have always been rather better treated in San Francisco than I actually deserved.
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I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.
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Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.
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If we only had some God in the country's laws, instead of being in such a sweat to get him into the Constitution, it would be better all around.
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We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard but our own is worth a hundred of it, and no way has been found out of securing that.
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Next to possessing genius one's self is the power of appreciating it in others.
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If a spectacle is going to be particularly imposing I prefer to see it through somebody else's eyes, because that man will always exaggerate. Then I can exaggerate his exaggeration, and my account of the thing will be the most impressive.
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I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the # telephone .
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Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?
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Bridgeport? Said I. Camelot, Said he.
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