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I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Helping
Cannot
Problem
Departure
Solved
Notice
Atheist
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The Book of Mormon is chloroform in print
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Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.
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Such is professional jealousy a scientist will never show any kindness for a theory which he did not start himself.
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The dog is a gentleman I hope to go to his heaven not man's.
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Stars and shadows ain't good to see by.
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Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.
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It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not.
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Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
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Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.
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Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.
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The insincerity of man-all men are liars, partial or hiders of facts, half tellers of truths, shirks, moral sneaks. When a merely honest man appears he is a comet-his fame is eternal-needs no genius, no talent-mere honesty
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Words are only painted fire, a look is the fire itself. She gave that look, and carried it away to the treasury of heaven, where all things that are divine belong.
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For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe & steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night & slaverly which would last till Christ comes again - which I hope he will not do he made trouble enough before.
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Choosing not to read is like closing an open door to paradise
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There is not a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American.
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The North thinks it knows how to make corn bread, but this is a gross superstition. Perhaps no bread in the world is quite as good as Southern corn bread, and perhaps no bread in the world is quite as bad as the Northern imitation of it.
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To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
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When an audience does not complain, it is a compliment, and when it does, it is a compliment, too, if unaccompanied by violence.
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