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It shames the average man to be valued below his own estimate of his worth.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Estimate
Valued
Esteem
Shame
Average
Worth
Men
Shames

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It takes me a long time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog.
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Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.
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All gentle cant and philosophizing to the contrary notwithstanding, no people in this world ever did achieve their freedom by goody-goody talk and moral suasion: it being immutable law that all revolutions that will succeed, must begin in blood.
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You ought never to sass old people- unless they sass you first.
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When a library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get hold of it, the deep unconscious irony of it delights me and doesn't anger me.
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when you recollect something which belonged in an earlier chapter, do not go back, but jam it in where you are . Discursiveness does not hurt an autobiography in the least.
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We regret the things we don't do more than the things we do.
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Of the 417 commandments, only a single one of the 417 has found ministerial obedience multiply and replenish the earth. To it sinner & saint, scholar & ignoramus, Christian & savage are alike loyal.
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It has taken a weary long time to persuade American Presbyterians to give up infant damnation and try to bear it the best they can.
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He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three I attended their funerals.
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For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe & steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night & slaverly which would last till Christ comes again - which I hope he will not do he made trouble enough before.
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Humor is like a frog if you dissect it, it dies.
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Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.
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I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet.
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The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity.
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The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.
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The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart.
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We don't cut up when mad men are bred by the old legitimate regular stock religions, but we can't allow wildcat religions to indulge in such disastrous experiments.
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