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I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Offers
Millionaire
Wealth
Savings
Position
Opposed
Inspiration
Witty
Dangerous
Riches
Money
Saving
Would
Offer
Investment
Millionaires

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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
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If you don't like the weather in New England now, just wait a few minutes.
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That is a society editor, sitting there elegantly dressed, with his legs crossed in that indolent way, observing the clothes the ladies wear, so that he can describe them for his paper and make them out finer than they are and get bribes for it and become wealthy.
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
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Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful.
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It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail.
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To string incongruities and absurdities together in a wandering and sometimes purposeless way, and seem innocently unaware that they are absurdities, is the basis of the American art, if my position is correct.
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Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.
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You know that kind of quiver that trembles around through you when you are seeing something so strange and enchanting and wonderful that it is just a fearful joy to be alive and look at it and you know how you gaze, and your lips turn dry and your breath comes short, but you wouldn't be anywhere but there, not for the world.
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A better idea than my own is to listen.
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It is the will of God that we must have critics, and missionaries, and Congressmen, and humorists, and we must bear the burden. Meantime, I seem to have been drifting into criticism myself. But that is nothing. At the worst, criticism is nothing more than a crime, and I am not unused to that.
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I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.
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I am not interested to know whether vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't...The pain which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity toward it, and it is to me sufficient justification of the enmity without looking further.
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After my marriage she edited everything I wrote. And what is more, she not only edited my works, she edited me.
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My axiom is, to succeed in business: avoid my example.
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