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You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Wine
Tell
Vinegar
Label
German
Labels
Drinking

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Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.
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I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead. The stars were shining, and the leaves rustled in the woods ever so mournful and I heard an owl, away off, who-whooing about somebody that was dead, and a whippowill and a dog crying about somebody that was going to die.
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The reason most people don't go to church is because they've already been.
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There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home.
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There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
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I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
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Difference between savage and civilized man: one is painted, the other gilded.
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I am dead to adverbs they cannot excite me. To misplace an adverb is a thing which I am able to do with frozen indifference it can never give me a pang. There are subtleties which I cannot master at all - they confuse me, they mean absolutely nothing to me - and this adverb plague is one of them.
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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.
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We don't cut up when mad men are bred by the old legitimate regular stock religions, but we can't allow wildcat religions to indulge in such disastrous experiments.
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Experience, the only logic sure to convince a diseased imagination and restore it to rugged health.
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We are always too busy for our children we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly.
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If we should deal out justice only, in this world, who would escape? No, it is better to be generous, and in the end more profitable, for it gains gratitude for us, and love.
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Kings cannot ennoble thee, thou good, great soul, for One who is higher than kings hath done that for thee but a king can confirm thy nobility to men.
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Most of the things I worried about in life never happened.
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I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.
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A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
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isn't so astonishing, the number of things that I can remember, as the number of things I can remember that aren't so.
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I knew a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and learned forty percent more about cats than the man who didn't.
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Until I came to New Mexico, I never realized how much beauty water adds to a river.
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