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I've seen many troubles in my time, only half of which ever came true.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Half
True
Ever
Many
Troubles
Time
Worry
Trouble
Seen
Came

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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
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You can't no more teach what you ain't learned than you can come from where you ain't been.
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Worrying is paying interest on a debt you might not even owe.
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His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.
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There is no salvation for us but to adopt Civilization and lift ourselves down to its level.
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The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture he will never get a set which can really be depended on 'till a dentist makes him one.
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Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.
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There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought -a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!
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Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.
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But we are all insane, anyway ... The suicides seem to be the only sane people.
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To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.
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Travel has no longer any charm for me. I have seen all the foreign countries I want to except heaven & hell & I have only a vague curiosity about one of those.
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This is the year 1492. I am eighty-two years of age. The things I am going to tell you are things which I saw myself as a child and as a youth.
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I am losing enough sleep to supply a worn-out army.
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I am not given to exaggeration, and when I say a thing I mean it.
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Old habits cannot be thrown out the upstairs window. They have to be coaxed downstairs one step at a time.
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How lovely is death and how niggardly it is doled out.
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Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
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I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.
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All war must be just the killing of strangers against whom you feel no personal animosity strangers whom, in other circumstances, you would help if you found them in trouble, and who would help you if you needed it.
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