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July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Left
Prove
July
Shows
Fool
Inadequate
Together
Lose
Fools
Country
Numbers
Statistics
Years
Loses
Stock
Days
Fourth
Year
Grown
Show
Number
Proves

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Braveness is resistance to concern, mastery of panic - not absense of anxiety.
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Tom appeared on the sidewalk with a bucket of whitewash and a long-handled brush. He surveyed the fence, and all gladness left him and a deep melancholy settled down upon his spirit. Thirty yards of board fence nine feet high. Life to him seemed hollow, and existence but a burden.
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I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars.
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When the world is made to be idiot-proof, the world will become overpopulated with idiots.
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If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
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Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone-if still alive.
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In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.
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A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
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Damn these human beings if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.
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By law of periodical repetition, everything which has happened once must happen again and again -- and not capriciously, but at regular periods, and each thing in its own period, not another's and each obeying its own law.
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A woman springs a sudden reproach upon you which provokes a hot retort, and then she will presently ask you to apologize.
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Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful.
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Comedy keeps the heart sweet but we all know that there is wholesome refreshment for both mind and heart in an occasional climb among the pomps of the intellectual snow-summits built by Shakespeare and those others.
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When a library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get hold of it, the deep unconscious irony of it delights me and doesn't anger me.
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He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.
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I have been cautioned to talk but be careful not to say anything. I do not consider this a difficult task.
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Foreigners cannot enjoy our food, I suppose, any more than we can enjoy theirs. It is not strange for tastes are made, not born. I might glorify my bill of fare until I was tired but after all, the Scotchman would shake his head and say, 'Where's your haggis?' and the Fijan would sigh and say, 'Where's your missionary?'
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Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
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The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
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Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.
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