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July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Shows
Fool
Inadequate
Together
Lose
Fools
Country
Numbers
Statistics
Years
Loses
Stock
Days
Fourth
Year
Grown
Show
Number
Proves
Left
Prove
July

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Patriotism is merely a religion-love of country, worship of country, devotion to the country's flag and honor and welfare.
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Old habits cannot be thrown out the upstairs window. They have to be coaxed downstairs one step at a time.
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We all like to see people sea-sick when we are not ourselves.
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An ecstasy is a thing that will not go into words it feels like music.
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God cures and the doctor sends the bill.
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To believe yourself brave is to be brave it is the one only essential thing.
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It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
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Tea is an affront to lunch and an insult to dinner.
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Rags, wretchedness, poverty and dirt, those signs and symbols that indicate the presence of [Muslim] rule more surely than the crescent-flag itself, abound.
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The choir always tittered and whispered all through the service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have forgotten where it was.
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Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community, and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
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Blasphemy? No, it is not blashphemy. If God is as vast as that, he is above blasphemy if he is as little as that, He is beneath it.
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It has been said that a Scotchman has not seen the world until he has seen Edinburgh and I think that I may say that an American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
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Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.
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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.
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Not a single right is indestructible: a new might can at any time abolish it, hence, man possesses not a single permanent right. God is Might (and He is shifty, malicious, and uncertain).
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There is nothing to be learned from the second kick of a mule.
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The pulpit and the optimist are always talking about the human race's steady march toward ultimate perfection. As usual, they leave out the statistics. It is the pulpit's way - the optimist's way.
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To be great, truly great, you have to be the kind of person who makes the others around you great.
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