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What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Done
Invented
Would
Witty
Men
Celebrate
Killing
Mere
Anniversaries
Ought
Celebrating
Funny
Anniversary
Light
Hilarious
More quotes by Mark Twain
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain
The government is merely a servant―merely a temporary servant it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.
Mark Twain
Newport, Rhode Island, that breeding place-that stud farm, so to speak-of aristocracy aristocracy of the American type.
Mark Twain
A monarch, when good, is entitled to the consideration which we accord to a pirate who keeps Sunday School between crimes when bad, he is entitled to none at all.
Mark Twain
The southerner talks music.
Mark Twain
First catch your Boer, then kick him.
Mark Twain
All men are ignorant, just on different subjects.
Mark Twain
Independence-is loyalty to one's best self and principles, and this is often disloyalty to the general idols and fetishes.
Mark Twain
I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache and what is more, I never intend to have it.
Mark Twain
Experience, the only logic sure to convince a diseased imagination and restore it to rugged health.
Mark Twain
But I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of therest, because Aunt Sally she's going to adopt me and sivilize me, and I can't stand it. I been there before.
Mark Twain
We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain.
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I have criticized absent people so often, and then discovered, to my humiliation, that I was talking with their relatives, that I have grown superstitious about that sort of thing and dropped it.
Mark Twain
When your opinions start to coincide with those of the majority, it is time to reconsider your opinions.
Mark Twain
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
Mark Twain
Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
Mark Twain
I've dealt with many crises in my life, but few will ever happen.
Mark Twain
Old habits cannot be thrown out the upstairs window. They have to be coaxed downstairs one step at a time.
Mark Twain
On with the dance, let the joy be unconfined.
Mark Twain
