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What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Would
Witty
Men
Celebrate
Killing
Mere
Anniversaries
Ought
Celebrating
Funny
Anniversary
Light
Hilarious
Done
Invented
More quotes by Mark Twain
It is curious and interesting to notice what an attraction a fussy, mincing, nickel-plated word has for you.
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There isn't anything you can't stand if you are only born and bred to it.
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Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'
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Never tell a lie-except for practice.
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Jesus died to save men - a small thing for an immortal to do - and didn't save many, anyway. But if he had been damned for the race, that would have been act of a size proper to a god, and would have saved the whole race.
Mark Twain
You can't no more teach what you ain't learned than you can come from where you ain't been.
Mark Twain
Jane Austen's books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
Mark Twain
...heaven for climate, and hell for society.
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Remember this, take this to heart, live by it, die for it if necessary: that our patriotism is medieval, outworn, obsolete that the modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism, is loyalty to the Nation ALL the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.
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Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
Mark Twain
More than once I have been humiliated by my resemblance to God the father He is always longing for the love of His children and trying to get it on the cheapest and laziest terms He can invent.
Mark Twain
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
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If horses knew their strength we should not ride anymore.
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Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
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It's my opinion that every one I know has morals, though I wouldn't like to ask. I know I have. But I'd rather teach them than practice them any day. Give them to others-that's my motto.
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I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.
Mark Twain
We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy that watches over their dignity that focuses their vision true--humor.
Mark Twain
Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.
Mark Twain
When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.
Mark Twain
Human Beings are the only animals that blush, or need to.
Mark Twain
