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I don't mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don't tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Descend
Truth
Unfair
Long
Opposition
Mind
Consider
Telling
Advantage
Taking
Tell

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Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be the mere conversational shooting up of smartness--a bright feather, to be blown into space the second after it is launched...Wit seems to be counted a very poor relation to Humour....Humour is never artifici
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Congress: America's only true criminal class.
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when you recollect something which belonged in an earlier chapter, do not go back, but jam it in where you are . Discursiveness does not hurt an autobiography in the least.
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I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache and what is more, I never intend to have it.
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Manifestly, dying is nothing to a really great and brave man.
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Don't look at the world with your hands in your pockets. To write about it you have to reach out and touch it.
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The only people that a bank will loan money to is the very people who don't need it.
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We can't always have the beautiful aspect of things. Let us make the most of our sights that are beautiful and let the others go
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My books are like water those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
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The altar cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next.
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There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press
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No one is sane, straight along, year in and year out, and we all know it. Our insanities are of varying sorts, and express themselves in varying forms-fortunately harmless forms as a rule.
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A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.
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For all the talk you hear about knowledge being such a wonderful thing, instinct is worth forty of it for real unerringness.
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I've seen many troubles in my time, only half of which ever came true.
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If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.
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You are a coward when you even seem to have backed down from a thing you openly set out to do
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An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.
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Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
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Every man is a moon and has a side which he turns toward nobody: you have to slip around behind it if you want to see it.
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