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I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Many
Saved
Make
Spent
World
Dies
Funny
Paupers
Next
Professionally
Truth
Astonishment
Come
Dealt
Enough
Enter

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If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way.
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The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
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A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt
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To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with. After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
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I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
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But we love the Old Travelers. We love to hear them prate and drivel and lie.
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I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.
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In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.
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A historian who would convey the truth has got to lie. Often he must enlarge the truth by diameters, otherwise his reader would not be able to see it.
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Good exercise for the heart: reach out and help your neighbor
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When an audience does not complain, it is a compliment, and when it does, it is a compliment, too, if unaccompanied by violence.
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I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.
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It will take mind and memory months and possibly years to gather together the details, and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss.
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Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.
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When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.
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Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.
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In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination
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