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If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can't burn him.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Doesn
Crank
Political
Nowadays
Truth
Settling
Doe
Burn
Mean
Atheism
Believe
Opinion
Men
Religion
Science
Settles

More quotes by Mark Twain

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Two things seemed pretty apparent to me. One was that in order to be a pilot a man had to learn more than any one man ought to learn and the other was that he must learn it all over again in a different way every 24 hours.
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Experience, the only logic sure to convince a diseased imagination and restore it to rugged health.
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I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
Mark Twain
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I should be sorry to think it was the publishers themselves they got up this entire little flutter to enable them to unload a book that was taking too much room in their cellars, but you can never tell what a publisher will do. I have been one myself.
Mark Twain
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When politics enter into municipal government, nothing resulting therefrom in the way of crimes and infamies is then incredible. It actually enables one to accept and believe the impossible.
Mark Twain
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If you don't like the weather in New England now, just wait a few minutes.
Mark Twain
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My mind changes often ... People who have no mind can easily be steadfast and firm, but when a man is loaded down to the guards with it, as I am, every heavy sea of foreboding or inclination, maybe of indolence, shifts the cargo.
Mark Twain
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There is only one good sex. The female one.
Mark Twain
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All the territorial possessions of all the political establishments in the earth--including America, of course-- consist of pilferings from other people's wash. No tribe, howsoever insignificant, and no nation, howsoever mighty occupies a foot of land that was not stolen.
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In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.
Mark Twain
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Humor is man's greatest blessing.
Mark Twain
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Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
Mark Twain
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A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.
Mark Twain
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
Mark Twain
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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
Mark Twain
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If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could to-day.
Mark Twain
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The Impartial Friend: Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all--the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.
Mark Twain
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It takes some little time to accept and realize the fact that while you have been growing old, your friends have not been standing still, in that matter.
Mark Twain
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A man may plan as much as he wants to, but nothing of consequence is likely to come of it until the magician circumstance steps in and takes the matter off his hands.
Mark Twain
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To trust the God of the Bible is to trust an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master.
Mark Twain