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Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Next
Usual
Years
Accepted
Make
Begin
Paving
Good
Week
Resolutions
Time
Hell
Annuals
Funny
Annual
Science
Regular
Inspirational
Resolution

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A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.
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Let us consider that we are all insane. It will explain us to each other. It will unriddle many riddles
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The pause - that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no combination of words, howsoever felicitous, could accomplish it.
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The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.
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By trampling upon the helpless abroad with unchecked surveillance, Americans have learned, by a natural process, to endure with apathy the like at home.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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There warn't anybody at the church, except maybe a hog or two, for there warn't any lock on the door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time because it's cool. If you notice, most folks don't go to church only when they've got to but a hog is different.
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For we were little Christian children and early learned the value of forbidden fruit.
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I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the # telephone .
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The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.
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He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three I attended their funerals.
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The report of my death was an exaggeration.
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There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.
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I have spent most of my time worrying about things that have never happened. Worrying is not an action! In fact, it is action that alleviates concern and dissipates worries. Take more actions when you feel that worry is creeping in to steal your time. It need not be a huge action, any action in the direction you want to go will do.
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Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
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If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way.
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Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
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France has usually been governed by prostitutes
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