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Apparently one of the most uncertain things in the world is the funeral of a religion.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Apparently
Funeral
Uncertain
Religion
Things
World

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I am always reading immoral books on the sly, and then selfishly trying to prevent other people from having the same wicked good time.
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Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known fifty years ago?-they were not operations, they were executions.
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One mustn't criticize other people on grounds where he can't stand perpendicular himself
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Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificiant by and by. The Alps and the glaciers together are able to take every bit of conceit out of a man and reduce his self-importance to zero if he will only remain within the influence of their sublime presence long enough to give it a fair and reasonable chance to do its work.
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Every man is in his own person the whole human race without a detail lacking....I knew I should not find in any philosophy a single thought which had not passed through my own head, nor a single thought which had not passed through the heads of millions and millions of men before I was born.
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You know that kind of quiver that trembles around through you when you are seeing something so strange and enchanting and wonderful that it is just a fearful joy to be alive and look at it and you know how you gaze, and your lips turn dry and your breath comes short, but you wouldn't be anywhere but there, not for the world.
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I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.
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Etiquette requires us to admire the human race.
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Greece is a bleak, unsmiling desert, without agriculture, manufactures or commerce, apparently. What supports its poverty-stricken people or its Government, is a mystery.
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God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were.
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for business reasons, I must preserve the outward signs of sanity.
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Broad, wholesome, charitable views .. can not be acquired by vegetating in one's little corner of the earth.
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Intellectual ''work'' is misnamed it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward.
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