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Apparently one of the most uncertain things in the world is the funeral of a religion.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Religion
Things
World
Apparently
Funeral
Uncertain

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Music is a good thing and after all that soul-butter and hogwash, I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully.
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I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
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How superbly brave is the Englishman in the presence of the awfulest forms of danger and death and how abject in the presence of any and all forms of hereditary rank.
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Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.
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It has been said that a Scotchman has not seen the world until he has seen Edinburgh and I think that I may say that an American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
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In God We Trust. It is the choicest compliment that has ever been paid us, and the most gratifying to our feelings. It is simple, direct, gracefully phrased it always sounds well - In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.
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It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old.
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Some people bring joy wherever they go, and some people bring joy whenever they go.
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No one can tell me what is a good cigar--for me. I am the only judge... There are no standards--no real standards. Each man's preference is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept, the only one which can command him.
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If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'
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I have thought many times since that if poets when they get discouraged would blow their brains out, they could write very much better when they got well.
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Experience of life (not of books) is the only capital usable in such a book as you have attempted one can make no judicious use of this capital while it is new.
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A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversation.
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A little starvation can really do more for the average sick man than can the best medicines and the best doctors.
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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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If I can capture truth in its simplest form, beauty will follow like a sledgehammer.
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Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.
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A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
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Remember this, take this to heart, live by it, die for it if necessary: that our patriotism is medieval, outworn, obsolete that the modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism, is loyalty to the Nation ALL the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.
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