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My land, the power of training! Of influence! Of education! It can bring a body up to believe anything.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Education
Religion
Power
Anything
Body
Training
Believe
Influence
Bring
Land

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Low comedies are written for the drawing-room, the kitchen and the stable, and if you cut out the kitchen and the stable the drawing-room can't support the play by itself.
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Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity?
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If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.
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It is higher and nobler to be kind.
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Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth.
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A marriage. . .will give a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth, and a new mystery to life.
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Conformity—the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.
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I could forgive the boy, now, if he'd committed a million sins!
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As a boy, I once saw a cart of melons that sorely tempted me. I sneaked up to the cart and stole a melon. I went into the alley to devour it, but no sooner had I set my teeth into it, than I paused, a strange feeling coming over me. I came to a quick conclusion. Firmly, I walked up to that cart, replaced the melon - and took a ripe one.
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The fact is, the king was a good deal more than a king, he was a man and when a man is a man, you can't knock it out of him.
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A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
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Choosing not to read is like closing an open door to paradise
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Our lives, our liberty, and our property are never in greater danger than when Congress is in session.
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The work that is really a man's own work is play and not work at all.
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Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $4 a minute.
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The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it
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The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work.
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Among other common lies, we have the silent lie - the deception which one conveys by simply keeping still and concealing the truth. Many obstinate truth-mongers indulge in this dissipation, imagining that if they speak no lie, they lie not at all.
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The laws of Nature take precedence of all human laws. The purpose of all human laws is one - to defeat the laws of Nature. This is the case among all the nations, both civilized and savage. It is a grotesquerie, but when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.
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If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.
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