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Alas! those good old days are gone, when a murderer could wipe the stain from his name and soothe his trouble to sleep simply by getting out his blocks and mortar and building an addition to a church.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
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Autobiographer
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Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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More quotes by Mark Twain
Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
Mark Twain
A half-educated physician is not valuable. He thinks he can cure everything.
Mark Twain
Temperate temperance is best intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.
Mark Twain
Jane Austen's books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
Mark Twain
Well, my book is written-let it go. But if it were only to write over again there wouldn't be so many things left out. They burn in me and they keep multiplying but now they can't ever be said. And besides, they would require a library-and a pen warmed up in hell.
Mark Twain
Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.
Mark Twain
In my experience, previously counted chickens never do hatch.
Mark Twain
Whenever the human race assembles to a number exceeding four, it cannot stand free speech.
Mark Twain
Humor is the good natured side of a truth.
Mark Twain
The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give me the banjo.
Mark Twain
Why is it that, among men, physical courage is a trait so plenteous yet moral courage is a trait so rare?
Mark Twain
The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate.
Mark Twain
Cats are the wildest of the tame and the tamest of the wild
Mark Twain
There are some natures which never grow large enough to speak out and say a bad act is a bad act, until they have inquired into the politics or the nationality of the man who did it.
Mark Twain
Conscience, man's moral medicine chest.
Mark Twain
There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!
Mark Twain
The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
Mark Twain
The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer.
Mark Twain
Every man is in his own person the whole human race without a detail lacking....I knew I should not find in any philosophy a single thought which had not passed through my own head, nor a single thought which had not passed through the heads of millions and millions of men before I was born.
Mark Twain
Ignorance is not not knowin' - Ignorance is knowin' what ain't so.
Mark Twain