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Alas! those good old days are gone, when a murderer could wipe the stain from his name and soothe his trouble to sleep simply by getting out his blocks and mortar and building an addition to a church.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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Stain
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Alas
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Entrepreneur
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Sleep
Block
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Blocks
Gone
Crime
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Wipe
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Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
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A half-educated physician is not valuable. He thinks he can cure everything.
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Temperate temperance is best intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.
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Jane Austen's books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
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Well, my book is written-let it go. But if it were only to write over again there wouldn't be so many things left out. They burn in me and they keep multiplying but now they can't ever be said. And besides, they would require a library-and a pen warmed up in hell.
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Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.
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In my experience, previously counted chickens never do hatch.
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Whenever the human race assembles to a number exceeding four, it cannot stand free speech.
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Humor is the good natured side of a truth.
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The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give me the banjo.
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Why is it that, among men, physical courage is a trait so plenteous yet moral courage is a trait so rare?
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The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate.
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Cats are the wildest of the tame and the tamest of the wild
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There are some natures which never grow large enough to speak out and say a bad act is a bad act, until they have inquired into the politics or the nationality of the man who did it.
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Conscience, man's moral medicine chest.
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There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!
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The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
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The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer.
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Every man is in his own person the whole human race without a detail lacking....I knew I should not find in any philosophy a single thought which had not passed through my own head, nor a single thought which had not passed through the heads of millions and millions of men before I was born.
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Ignorance is not not knowin' - Ignorance is knowin' what ain't so.
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