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The new political gospel: public office is private graft.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Public
Politics
Political
Graft
Gospel
Private
Office

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It is my custom to keep on talking until I get the audience cowed.
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The rain ...falls upon the just and the unjust alike a thing which would not happen if I were superintending the rain's affairs. No, I would rain softly and sweetly on the just, but if I caught a sample of the unjust outdoors, I would drown him.
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Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson.
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There was a great difference in boats, of course. For a long time I was on a boat that was so slow we used to forget what year it was we left port in.
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To forget pain is to be painless to forget care is to be rid of it to go abroad is to accomplish both.
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School gets in the way of my learning.
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No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.
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I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.
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Too bad that youth is wasted on the young.
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Most of the things I worried about in life never happened.
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I wrote 'Tom Sawyer' and 'Huck Finn' for adults exclusively, and it always distressed me when I find that boys and girls have been allowed access to them. The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean.
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I don't want my girl to be so skinny she can knife me with her knee.
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More than once I have been humiliated by my resemblance to God the father He is always longing for the love of His children and trying to get it on the cheapest and laziest terms He can invent.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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It's so damned humiliating.
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Switzerland is simply a large, lumpy, solid rock with a thin skin of grass stretched over it.
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I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.
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The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit upon a hot stove lid again. Nor upon a cold stove lid.
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