Quote

English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put 'laughter' in the wrong place.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Unless
Speeches
Humor
Papers
Though
Trained
Wrong
English
Place
Laughter
Hard
Appreciate
Always
Speech
Paper
Reporting

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Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
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An American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans.
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You may call a jay a bird. Well, so he is, in a measure--because he's got feathers on him, and don't belong to no church, perhapsbut otherwise he is just as much a human as you be. And I'll tell you for why. A jay's gifts and instincts, and feelings, and interests, cover the whole ground. A jay hasn't got any more principle than a Congressman.
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To believe yourself brave is to be brave it is the one only essential thing.
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It is not what a man knows, but what he thinks of in time.
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Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.
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Teaching is like trying to hold 35 corks underwater at once.
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The Book of Mormon is chloroform in print
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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart.
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Great enterprises usually promise vastly more than they perform.
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Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
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There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
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Well, no doubt it's a blessed thing to have an imagination that can always make you satisfied, no matter how you are fixed.
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I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.
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On with the dance, let the joy be unconfined.
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We love old travelers: we love to hear them prate, drivel and lie we love them for their asinine vanity, their ability to bore, their luxuriant fertility of imagination, their startling, brilliant, overwhelming mendacity.
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It takes some little time to accept and realize the fact that while you have been growing old, your friends have not been standing still, in that matter.
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