Quote

I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.

Mark Twain

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Funny
Fellows
Spell
Never
Bones
Bone
Harping
Love
Drink
Dictionary
Stooped
Laughing
Encouraged
Alleged
Humor
Spells
Paraphrase
Side
Fellow
Dialect
Sides
Cat
Drunkenness
Create
Pity
Laughs

More quotes by Mark Twain

Image
There's always a hole in theories somewhere if you look close enough.
Mark Twain
Image
Civilization largely consists in hiding human nature. When the barbarian learns to hide it we account him enlightened.
Mark Twain
Image
Wherefore being all of one mind, we do highly resolve that government of the grafted by the grafter for the grafter shall not perish from the earth.
Mark Twain
Image
Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful.
Mark Twain
Image
I admire him, I frankly confess it and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.
Mark Twain
Image
An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency.
Mark Twain
Image
We find not much in ourselves to admire, we are always privately wanting to be like somebody else. If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes
Mark Twain
Image
For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe & steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night & slaverly which would last till Christ comes again - which I hope he will not do he made trouble enough before.
Mark Twain
Image
We have to keep our God placated with prayer, and even then we are never sure of him-how much higher and finer is the Indian's God...Our illogical God is all-powerful in name, but impotent in fact the Great Spirit is not all-powerful, but does the very best he can for his injun and does it free of charge
Mark Twain
Image
Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse.
Mark Twain
Image
It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.
Mark Twain
Image
I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.
Mark Twain
Image
What's the use you learning to do right , when it's troublesome to do right and it ain't no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same?
Mark Twain
Image
That's just the way: a person does a low-down thing, and then he don't want to take no consequences of it. Thinks as long as he can hide it, it ain't no disgrace.
Mark Twain
Image
Your friends may love you in private but your enemies will hate you in public.
Mark Twain
Image
There is this trouble about special providences namely, there is so often a doubt as to which party was intended to be the beneficiary. In the case of the children, the bears, and the prophet, the bears got more real satisfaction out of the episode than the prophet did, because they got the children.
Mark Twain
Image
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
Mark Twain
Image
Great enterprises usually promise vastly more than they perform.
Mark Twain
Image
It is so unsatisfactory to read a noble passage and have no one you love at hand to share the happiness with you. And it is unsatisfactory to read to one's self anyhow - for the uttered voice so heightens the expression.
Mark Twain
Image
I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the # telephone .
Mark Twain