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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Must
Characteristics
Humorous
Plant
Jokes
Distinctly
Animals
Plants
Humor
Attributes
Animal
Chief
Form
Chiefs

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The low level which commercial morality has reached in America is deplorable. We have humble God fearing Christian men among us who will stoop to do things for a million dollars that they ought not to be willing to do for less than 2 millions.
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What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can honestly if we must. Who is God, the one and only true? Money is God. Gold and Greenbacks and Stock-father, son, and ghosts of same, three persons in one These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
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It is easier to manufacture seven facts out of whole cloth than one emotion.
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India has two million gods, and worships them all. In religion all other countries are paupers India is the only millionaire.
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A conspiracy is nothing but a secret agreement of a number of men for the pursuance of policies which they dare not admit in public
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Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.
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India is, the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand mother of tradition. our most valuable and most instructive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India only.
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Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.
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I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.
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Man seems to be a rickety poor sort of thing, any way you take him a kind of British Museum of infirmities and inferiorities. He is always undergoing repairs. A machine that was as unreliable as he is would have no market.
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I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.
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In my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago.
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It is hopeless for the occasional visitor to try to keep up with Chicago-she outgrows his prophecies faster than he can make them. She is always a novelty for she is never the Chicago you saw when you passed through the last time.
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There's always a hole in theories somewhere if you look close enough.
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The frankest and freest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter the writer gets his limitless freedom of statement and expression from his sense that no stranger is going to see what he is writing.
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Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.
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Every time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail.
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by.
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To trust the God of the Bible is to trust an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master.
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I knew a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and learned forty percent more about cats than the man who didn't.
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