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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Jokes
Distinctly
Animals
Plants
Humor
Attributes
Animal
Chief
Form
Chiefs
Must
Characteristics
Humorous
Plant
More quotes by Mark Twain
Nothing is made in vain, but the fly came near it.
Mark Twain
I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.
Mark Twain
I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't no use in wasting it on them.
Mark Twain
I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.
Mark Twain
I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.
Mark Twain
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
Mark Twain
Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.
Mark Twain
I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it.
Mark Twain
Public Servant: Persons chosen by the people to distribute the graft.
Mark Twain
It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.
Mark Twain
I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.
Mark Twain
In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.
Mark Twain
We regret the things we don't do more than the things we do.
Mark Twain
The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got religion, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward.
Mark Twain
...heaven for climate, and hell for society.
Mark Twain
In God We Trust. It is the choicest compliment that has ever been paid us, and the most gratifying to our feelings. It is simple, direct, gracefully phrased it always sounds well - In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.
Mark Twain
If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people
Mark Twain
You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths (orthodoxy) to destroy it.
Mark Twain
The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.
Mark Twain
There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth.
Mark Twain