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The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Kindness
Professes
Direct
Untruth
Writer
Pretension
Humor
Awaken
Week
Scorn
Takes
Preacher
Upon
Humorous
Love
Pity
Imposture

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We regret the things we don't do more than the things we do.
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When a person is accustomed to one hundred and thirty-eight in the shade, his ideas about cold weather are not valuable.
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I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.
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Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.
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There will never be a perfect time to quit smoking. A time when you don't have any distractions or stress... If you had started today one year ago, this would not even be an issue for you today! Don't waste another year!
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If you've got a nice fresh corpse, fetch him out!
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A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversation.
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The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.
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We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking.
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We have the best government that money can buy.
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But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!
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Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be the mere conversational shooting up of smartness--a bright feather, to be blown into space the second after it is launched...Wit seems to be counted a very poor relation to Humour....Humour is never artifici
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The best of us would rather be popular than right.
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The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is you really want to say.
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Do something everyday that you don't want to do.
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Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.
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One mustn't criticize other people on grounds where he can't stand perpendicular himself
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Whiskey is for drinking water is for fighting over.
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I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.
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