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The funniest things are the forbidden.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Fun
Funny
Things
Humorists
Funniest
Forbidden
Novelists
Humorous
Humor

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More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the [biblical] texts that authorised them remain.
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The vast majority of the race whether savage or civilized, are secretly kind at heart and shrink from inflicting pain, but in the presence of the aggressive and pitiless minority they don't dare to assert themselves.
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The pause - that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no combination of words, howsoever felicitous, could accomplish it.
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I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.
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I ordinarily smoke fifteen cigars during my five hours' labours, and if my interest reaches the enthusiastic point, I smoke more. I smoke with all my might, and allow no intervals.
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Marriage -- yes, it is the supreme felicity of life. I concede it. And it is also the supreme tragedy of life. The deeper the love the surer the tragedy. And the more disconsolating when it comes.
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There are many humorous things in the world among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
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They did not know it was impossible so they did it
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I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead. The stars were shining, and the leaves rustled in the woods ever so mournful and I heard an owl, away off, who-whooing about somebody that was dead, and a whippowill and a dog crying about somebody that was going to die.
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There are no wild animals until man makes them so.
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There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
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The highest pleasure to be got out of freedom, and having nothing to do, is labor.
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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
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when we badly want a thing, we go to hunting for good and righteous reasons for it we give it that fine name to comfort our consciences, whereas we privately know we are only hunting for plausible ones.
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Jane Austen's books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
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for business reasons, I must preserve the outward signs of sanity.
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The ability to find solutions to life's challenges is what makes us grow as a person.
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It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.
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Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.
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The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it
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