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The funniest things are the forbidden.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Forbidden
Novelists
Humorous
Humor
Fun
Funny
Things
Humorists
Funniest

More quotes by Mark Twain

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April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
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Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.
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The machine has several virtues... One may lean back in his chair and work it. It piles an awful stack of words on one page. It don't muss things or scatter ink blots around.
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The public is the only critic whose judgment is worth anything at all.
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Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood.
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When angry, count to four when very angry, swear.
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One compliment can keep me going for a whole month.
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Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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Sometimes people do get hurt
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Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.
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Change is the handmaiden Nature requires to do her miracles with.
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Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR per G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE
Mark Twain
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No one is sane, straight along, year in and year out, and we all know it. Our insanities are of varying sorts, and express themselves in varying forms-fortunately harmless forms as a rule.
Mark Twain
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Human beings are the only creatures who blush - or who need to.
Mark Twain
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There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!
Mark Twain
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Every man is in his own person the whole human race without a detail lacking....I knew I should not find in any philosophy a single thought which had not passed through my own head, nor a single thought which had not passed through the heads of millions and millions of men before I was born.
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The southerner talks music.
Mark Twain
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A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditch digging.
Mark Twain
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Italy is the home of art and swindling home of religion and moral rottenness
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A man who carries a cat by the tail is getting experience that will always be helpful. He isn't likely to grow dim or doubtful. Chances are, he isn't likely to carry the cat that way again, either. But if he wants to, I say let him!
Mark Twain