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I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can't be restored.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Fact
History
Facts
Past
Remember
Restored
Thing
Remembering
Solitary
Worth

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Human beings seem to be a poor invention. If they are the noblest works of God where is the ignoblest?
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When there was room on the ledge outside of the pots and boxes for a cat, the cat was there- in sunny weather- stretched at full length, asleep and blissful, with her furry belly to the sun and a paw curved over her nose.
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Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.
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I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter.
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A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?
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In love, you pay as you leave.
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[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.
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The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.
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I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.
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If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, As unhappy as God.
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Do one thing every day you don't want to do.
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To do something, say something, see something, before anybody else -- these are things that confer a pleasure compared with which other pleasures are tame and commonplace, other ecstasies cheap and trivial.
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All schools, all colleges have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge.
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What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
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The lightning there is peculiar it is so convincing, that when it strikes a thing it doesn't leave enough of that thing behind for you to tell whether-Well, you'd think it was something valuable, and a Congressman had been there.
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It is my custom to keep on talking until I get the audience cowed.
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I'm the only person who has ever found the right way to build an autobiography.
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His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.
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A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditchdigging. It is the insanest of all recreations. The inventor of it overlooked no detail that could furnish weariness, distress, harassment, and acute and long-sustained misery of mind and body.
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We are discreet sheep we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove.
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