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Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Hilarious
Bank
Accounts
Interest
Funny
Money
Men
Like
Generate

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Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.
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Truth is more of a stranger than fiction. When in doubt, tell the truth. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use.
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The catfish is Plenty good enough fish for anyone
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While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.
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When people do not respect us we are sharply offended yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.
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The machine has several virtues... One may lean back in his chair and work it. It piles an awful stack of words on one page. It don't muss things or scatter ink blots around.
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Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
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Concentration of power in a political machine is bad and an Established Church is only a political machine it was invented for that it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition.
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Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.
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Eternal rest sounds comforting in the pulpit well, you try it once, and see how heavy time will hang on your hands.
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I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.
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The solution to our water problems is more rain.
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We take a natural interest in novelties, but it is against nature to take an interest in familiar things.
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Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
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Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
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The government is merely a servant―merely a temporary servant it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.
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The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.
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If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.
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If smoking cigars is not permitted in heaven, I won''t go.
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Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
Mark Twain