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Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Hilarious
Bank
Accounts
Interest
Funny
Money
Men
Like
Generate

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It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
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Every man has a secret ambition: To outsmart horses, fish and women.
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To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
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... No photograph ever was good, yet, of anybody - hunger and thirst and utter wretchedness overtake the outlaw who invented it! It transforms into desperadoes the weakest of men depicts sinless innocence upon the pictured faces of ruffians gives the wise man the stupid leer of a fool, and the fool an expression of more than earthly wisdom.
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We wish to learn all the curious, outlandish ways of all the different countries, so that we can show off and astonish people when we get home. We wish to excite the envy of our untraveled friends with our strange foreign fashions which we can't shake off.
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Bridgeport? Said I. Camelot, Said he.
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The heart is the real fountain of youth.
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In other localities certain places in the streams are much better than others, but at Niagara one place is just as good as another, for the reason that the fish do not bite anywhere.
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I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.
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The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity.
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A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.
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There is nothing in the world like persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus.
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It's an epitome of life. The first half of it consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
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Every citizen of the republic ought to consider himself an unofficial policeman, and keep unsalaried watch and ward over the laws and their execution.
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How stunning are the changes which age makes in a man while he sleeps!
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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.
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Next you'd see a raft sliding by, away off yonder, and maybe a galoot on it chopping. . . you'd see the ax flash and come down-you don't hear nothing you see the ax go up again, and by the time it's above the man's head then you hear the k'chunk!-it had took all that time to come over the water.
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Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood.
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Morals consist of political morals, commercial morals, ecclesiastical morals, and morals.
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Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.
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