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Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Hilarious
Bank
Accounts
Interest
Funny
Money
Men
Like
Generate

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Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
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An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it.
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Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
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Benaras is older than history, older than tradition, older even than legend, and looks twice as old as all of them put together!
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Marriage -- yes, it is the supreme felicity of life. I concede it. And it is also the supreme tragedy of life. The deeper the love the surer the tragedy. And the more disconsolating when it comes.
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But we are all insane, anyway ... The suicides seem to be the only sane people.
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Etiquette requires us to admire the human race.
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There has been only one Christian. They caught and curcified him-early.
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What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can honestly if we must. Who is God, the one and only true? Money is God. Gold and Greenbacks and Stock-father, son, and ghosts of same, three persons in one These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
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In forgiving, people are not being asked to forget. On the contrary, it is important to remember, so that we should not let such atrocities happen again. Forgiveness does not mean condoning what has been done. It means taking what happened seriously...drawing out the sting in the memory that threatens our entire existence.
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Travel is lethal to prejudice.
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Do something everyday that you don't want to do this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
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A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.
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If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy.
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No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.
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We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.
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Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere.
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He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
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When in doubt tell the truth.
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No public interest is anything other or nobler than a massed accumulation of private interests.
Mark Twain