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Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Happiness
Found
Unobservant
Sanity
Combination
Impossible

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If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be — a Christian.
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As for the dinosaur - But Noah's conscience was easy it was not named in his cargo list and he and the boys were not aware that there was such a creature. He said he could not blame himself for not knowing about the dinosaur, because it was an American animal and America had not then been discovered.
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The exquisitely bad is as satisfying to the soul as the exquisitely good. Only the mediocre is unendurable.
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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.
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Humor, to be comprehensible to anybody, must be built upon a foundation with which he is familiar. If he can't see the foundation the superstructure is to him merely a freak -- like the Flatiron building without any visible means of support -- something that ought to be arrested.
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....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.
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A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.
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When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
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Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.
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The only certainties in life are death and taxes.
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How slow and still the time did drag along.
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An ecstasy is a thing that will not go into words it feels like music.
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Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
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Some of us cannot be optimists, but all of us can be bigamists
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Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period.
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Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
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I couldn't bear to think about it and yet, somehow, I couldn't think about nothing else.
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We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy that watches over their dignity that focuses their vision true--humor.
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No throne exists that has a right to exist, and no symbol of it, flying from any flagstaff, is righteously entitled to wear any device but the skull and crossbones of that kindred industry which differs from royalty only businesswise-merely as retail differs from wholesale.
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Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.
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