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God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Romance
God
Sacred
Atrocious
Hyde
Testament
Attractive

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To write without pay until somebody offers pay. If nobody offers pay within three years, the candidate may look upon this circumstance with the most implicit confidence as the sign that sawing wood is what he was intended for.
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We are all alike, on the inside.
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I am always on the side of the revolutionists, because there never was a revolution unless there were some oppressive and intolerable conditions against which to revolute.
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I have tried getting up early, and I have tried getting up late-and the latter agrees with me best.
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I was standing in our dining-room thinking of nothing in particular, when a cablegram was put into my hand. It said, 'Susy was peacefully released today.' It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man, all unprepared, can receive a thunder-stroke like that and live.
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The new political gospel: public office is private graft.
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It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
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Inherited ideas are a curious thing, and interesting to observe and examine.
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The low level which commercial morality has reached in America is deplorable. We have humble God fearing Christian men among us who will stoop to do things for a million dollars that they ought not to be willing to do for less than 2 millions.
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Every man has a secret ambition: To outsmart horses, fish and women.
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It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.
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Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
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Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
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When I was fourteen years old, I was amazed at how unintelligent my father was. By the time I turned twenty-one, I was astounded how much he had learned in the last seven years.
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By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved.
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The fear of lightning is one of the most distressing infirmities a human being can be afflicted with. It is mostly confined to women, but now and then you find it in a little dog, and sometimes a man.
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Demagogue--a vessel containing beer and other liquids.
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Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'
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Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.
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It is a good and gentle religion, but inconvenient.
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