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God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Atrocious
Hyde
Testament
Attractive
Romance
God
Sacred

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It is easier to manufacture seven facts out of whole cloth than one emotion.
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A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
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I have always been rather better treated in San Francisco than I actually deserved.
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All say, ‘how hard it is that we have to die’ -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of those who have had to live.
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The best of us would rather be popular than right.
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When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.
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Let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of this scene
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The master minds of all nations, in all ages, have sprung in affluent multitude from the mass of the nations, and from the mass of the nation only-not from its privileged classes.
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I think that the reason why we Americans seem to be so addicted to trying to get rich suddenly is merely because the opportunity to make promising efforts in that direction has offered itself to us with a frequency out of all proportion to the European experience.
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I pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long. I found myself hunting for larger cigars...within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions I could have used it as a crutch.
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Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.
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To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with. After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
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Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board.
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Cats are the wildest of the tame and the tamest of the wild
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To forget pain is to be painless to forget care is to be rid of it to go abroad is to accomplish both.
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The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit upon a hot stove lid again. Nor upon a cold stove lid.
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A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
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The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.
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