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What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Everything
Stability
Trying
Atheist
Something
Conviction
Catholic
God
Presbyterian
Atheism
Presbyterians
Ought
Lacks
Character
Convictions

More quotes by Mark Twain

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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
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Some things you can't find out but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out.
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My mind changes often ... People who have no mind can easily be steadfast and firm, but when a man is loaded down to the guards with it, as I am, every heavy sea of foreboding or inclination, maybe of indolence, shifts the cargo.
Mark Twain
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Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
Mark Twain
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The low level which commercial morality has reached in America is deplorable. We have humble God fearing Christian men among us who will stoop to do things for a million dollars that they ought not to be willing to do for less than 2 millions.
Mark Twain
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The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture he will never get a set which can really be depended on 'till a dentist makes him one.
Mark Twain
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I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the # telephone .
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Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first! Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer
Mark Twain
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Damn these human beings if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.
Mark Twain
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There was a great difference in boats, of course. For a long time I was on a boat that was so slow we used to forget what year it was we left port in.
Mark Twain
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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Mark Twain
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You ought never to sass old people- unless they sass you first.
Mark Twain
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They did not know it was impossible so they did it
Mark Twain
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Many people have the reasoning facility, but no one uses it in religious matters.
Mark Twain
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Start it at no particular time of your life wander at your free will all over your life talk only about the thing which interests you for the moment drop it the moment its interest threatens to pale.
Mark Twain
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If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy.
Mark Twain
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Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime.
Mark Twain
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I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.
Mark Twain
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There is nothing more awe-inspiring than a miracle except the credulity that can take it at par.
Mark Twain
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Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.
Mark Twain